Christians are straight up FREAKS
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize