She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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