is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
