Ketchup is God's man juice
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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