I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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