Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
