Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
