Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
