So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
