It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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