Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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