Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
