THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
