I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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