I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i think i have two assholes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
