It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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