woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
