He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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