Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
