Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
whose parrot is this?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
