Can i not drive my cunt home
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize