I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
