Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
