My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You pole danced in your parka.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
