Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize