I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
