She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
