there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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