he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
