I love black thongs
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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