You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
