She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
