I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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