38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
