turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woke up backwards on a recliner
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