Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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