I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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