I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
