Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need water and some morals
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
