I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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