I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
