I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
