I feel like abortions should bother me more
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
