Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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