i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
