lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
