got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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