still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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