my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
