somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize