I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
