She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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