Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
