i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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