This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
