I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
