I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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