I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My first STD was from a foam party
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
