I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
