I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
