on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
