this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
