Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
