I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
