hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
