I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
