I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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