I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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