News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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