dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The air was thick with penises
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
