Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
