you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
