OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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