i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
