So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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